Sunday, September 9, 2012

Things that happen for a reason...


If there's one thing you must know about me, is that I'm the kind of person that just can't let go. Last six month, beginning from January 2012, I met someone whom I regard now as one of the most important person in my life. The sad thing is, she doesn't know it. Yes, it's a she. It's a girl.

She's not actually the kind of person I'd go for, but after getting to know her for a while, she's the sweetest thing ever. There's not a moment that passed by that I didn't think about her. I like everything about her, the warm smile, the plucky positive attitude.............but there's just something about her that she kept form everybody, and to this day I regretted that I never asked her what is really going on.

Well, there's no denying that everybody around her knew what was going on. At this point, I am really confused. I feel like I should try and help her. But I didn't. I just stood by and watch as if what is happening to her doesn't concern me, when it actually is. I just wish I am capable of doing something that would get her out of that miserable daily routine she called her "life".

During the whole period of six month of knowing each other, I made mistakes, and worst of all, towards her. I never knew how much that my actions would affect her, and if I can turn back time, I'd undo all the thing that I've done to hurt her. Now, I'm pounding on the walls regretting not doing all the things that I should have done for her.

Know this, she will always be on my mind. I've been thinking about her every second of my waking life. I wonder if she's the same? Probably not. When I left her, I didn't bid a proper farewell and that must have left a bad mark on her. The thing is, I couldn't really say goodbye. I have a feeling that we might meet again.

There's so much I wanna say to her. I wish I could do it face to face. I wish I could look her in the eyes and tell her how I think about her every day and how I wish things were different. How I wish I never have disappointed her and how I wish I can let her know how important she is to me.

I was at a crossroad when I decided to get away from her. I hope she can see that it is not that I can't stand being around her, it's just that the pain of being close to her but I can't never do anything about it kills me and it's slowly eating me. How can I be close to her and not say all the things that I wanna say to her. I know I'm not making any sense but I just can't stand it anymore.

I always pray to God, "if she;'s the one for me, then let us be together, if not, then pave an easy separate paths for us to find our true happiness". In any way, I really want her to be happy, and not live a torturous life the way she's living right now, full of secrecy and dodging glances and judgments from people around her who weren't aware of how much she has suffered during her childhood.

Know this, I've never judged her for what she is and what she was. To me, she must have done everything for a reason.

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